Recently, while having lunch with some friends, I found
myself irritated by a fellow diner’s remark that I should eat up. ‘You’re too
skinny! We’re going to fatten you up.’ What am I, I thought, a Christmas
turkey?
It occurred to me that if – by their judgment – I was too
plump, then they would not have been so outspoken with their opinion. I can’t
imagine someone saying in the same cheerful way, “You’re too fat. We’re going
to skinny you up!” If such a remark was made, there would probably be red-faced
embarrassment all round: the person the remark was directed at would no doubt
feel they’d been insulted, the other lunch guests would probably rise to their
defense, and the one who had made the remark would probably be ordered to
apologize.
You’re too fat! You’re
too thin! What’s the difference? Overweight and underweight are both health
problems and equally serious, yet by society’s standards one is an insult and
one is a compliment. This is ridiculous. Slowly, I’ve started to understand why
I felt so irritated. What was offered as a compliment was actually a double
whammy insult. Essentially, I was told that I look like I’m in an unhealthy
weight range and then, confusingly, made to feel that I should be flattered to
be told so.
I’m always small-boned, narrow and apple-shaped since I was
young. I have always had difficulty building my arms and shoulders. Despite
leading an active lifestyle by indulging in various exercises like swimming,
badminton, jogging, etc., my little arms have stayed little. It’s not an asset;
it just means that I need help getting the lid off the jam jar. And unbeknownst
to the person who made the comment, at the time I was feeling particularly
proud of my arms. After a long time of push-ups, sit-ups and dumbbells, a
miracle had occurred: I had biceps now! Yes, they were small, but I was proud
of them. In fact, I was wearing s tank top to show them off. So, you can see
why the cheery ‘eat up, you’re too skinny’ remark stung
.
I read an article about body images which wrote about there
were two films ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ and ‘Lost in Translation’ have scenes in
which a woman was told that she looked too thin. In both movies, the woman
replies with a gushing and heartfelt “Thank you!” These scenes were played for
laughs. It’s funny because it’s so stupid, but under all that laughter is the
true sentiment of what society thinks about body image – and it’s anything but
funny.
“You look fit!”
“You look healthy!”
“You’re positively glowing with well-being!”
These are compliments. “You look malnourished!” is not. So,
the next time we compliment a friend, be sure that what we’re telling them are
actually a compliment.
